If the Marvel Universe Was More Like the NBA

A collection of tweets from earlier today. Maybe I’ll write a satirical ESPN or Deadspin-like article using these tweets as an outline.

  • Marvel’s big 3 of Steve Rogers, Tony Stark, & Thor couldn’t fit under the salary cap.
  • Marvel’s front office decided to amnesty Thor to avoid the luxury tax.
  • Marvel replaced Cap because Rogers’s knees aren’t what they used to be. He missed 20+ games last season.
  • Cleveland fans are burning their Falcon cosplay costumes after Wilson announced his intentions on a nationally televised special.
  • Wilson: “I’m taking my talents to Avengers Tower.”
  • Noted Cleveland rich guy/douche Dan Gilbert has released a hastily-typed tumblr blog post, where he decries Wilson’s decision in comic sans.
  • Former Clippers owner Donald Sterling released a statement regarding the new black Cpt America via 4chan in a post filled with racial slurs.
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MarvelMarvel ComicsMarvel EntertainmentAvengersThe AvengersAvengers NOWThe FalconCaptain AmericaAll-New Captain AmericaSuperior Iron ManSam WilsonNBAThe Miami HeatMiami HeatLeBron JamesCleveland CavaliersDonald Sterling
My pitch for DC Comics.

My pitch for DC Comics.

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Highlights from DC Comics September Solicits

I know these are advance solicits for September, but the absence of listed creative teams for these issues is odd. Here are a few of the solicits for September that piqued my interest, for good or for ill.

SUPERMAN: FUTURES END #1
Advance solicit • On sale SEPTEMBER 24
32 pg, FC • RATED T
3-D Motion Edition: $3.99 US
2-D Standard Edition: $2.99 US

There’s a new, much darker Superman prowling the streets of Metropolis! But who exactly is he?

Considering that every iteration of Superman these past few years outside of the Adventures of Superman digital series has been a “darker” Superman, I cringe at the thought of where this is going.

RED LANTERNS: FUTURES END #1
Advance solicit • On sale SEPTEMBER 24
32 pg, FC • RATED T+
3-D Motion Edition: $3.99 US
2-D Standard Edition: $2.99 US

The ranks of the Red Lanterns have grown to monstrous numbers, and with no Blood Lake to restore their sanity, they’re terrorizing the universe. It’s up to Blue Lantern Guy Gardner to correct the deadly mistake he made!

Blood Lake sounds like a 90s Image book.

SWAMP THING: FUTURES END #1
Advance solicit • On sale SEPTEMBER 3
32 pg, FC • RATED T+
3-D Motion Edition: $3.99 US
2-D Standard Edition: $2.99 US

The Avatars of the Green, Red and Gray go to war with the avatars of Bacteria and Metal! It’s five years later, and Alec Holland is trying to mediate a ceasefire that could also be his last stab at reconnecting with humanity!

Since the New 52 was launched back in 2011, Swamp Thing has been among the handful of DC Comics I’ve made it a point of keeping up with. My only concern is that we’re going to end up with more color avatars than Green Lantern corps. 

ACTION COMICS: FUTURES END #1
Advance solicit • On sale SEPTEMBER 3
32 pg, FC • RATED T|
3-D Motion Edition: $3.99 US
2-D Standard Edition: $2.99 US

With the Man of Steel missing, ordinary people around the world start to mysteriously exhibit his strengths and abilities…

Seems like we’re about to relive the Death and Return of Superman, doesn’t it? Do these “ordinary people” happen to include an engineer in a metal suit, a young man in a leather jacket, a cyborg, and whatever Eradicator was?

On the bright side, the current Action Comics creative team (Greg Pak and Aaron Kuder) is just wonderful, so I expect something more…inspirational to come out of a solicit like this.

BATGIRL: FUTURES END #1
Advance solicit • On sale SEPTEMBER 10
32 pg, FC • RATED T
3-D Motion Edition: $3.99 US
2-D Standard Edition: $2.99 US

It’s five years later, and Barbara Gordon has become Bête Noire – a.k.a. The Black Beast! Part Batman and part Bane, she leads a squad of female agents through the Gotham Underground!

This sounds like it has the potential to be crazy fun. It would be a missed opportunity for DC Comics not to try to pick up some of the female readers who have shown so much support for books with leading ladies such as Captain Marvel and Ms. Marvel.

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supermannew 52dc comicsseptemberfutures endred lanternsbatgirlswamp thingguy gardnerCaptain MarvelMs. Marvelcomicssolicitations